Hirsh and other psychologists emphasize how important it is for couples to maintain stability in their marriage during the surrogacy experience.
Hirsh says the marriage must be strong before a couple decides to go into a surrogate situation, because adding a third person to procreation can create feelings of inadequacy for a woman. "Going to medical meetings together is understandable but actually living together - that would create a very unstable dynamic of jealousy and envy," Hirsh says. He recommends a line be drawn from the start, a line that specifies how and when the surrogate will be involved in the couple's lives. Ronnie Hirsh, a couples therapist in Manhattan, says the simple presence of a surrogate can muddy the waters of communication for a couple. "That's why it's crucial that a counseling team gets involved before and throughout the pregnancy," she adds. It is hard to know how the intended mother is going to react to the surrogate, says Smith. She can't be withholding attention from the surrogate," she says. "If the intended mother has a lot of anger or grief about not being able to carry her own child then we're going to have a problem. Smith says the center spends time upfront trying to prevent these types of strenuous relationships from forming. So they'll go golfing together and do male bonding activities," says Jackson, who still stays in contact with the couple for whom she carried twins.
He usually feels uncomfortable with the surrogate and gets friendly with the surrogate's husband, which is nice, because sometimes the surrogate's husband can feel left out. "The intended father just becomes generic. The sexual tension between the surrogate and the intended father is something Jackson hasn't experienced. "Usually, the surrogate is trying to pull the woman into the pregnancy and make them really feel like they're going through it," says Jackson. But psychologists say it can also be avoided if couples are prepared for the potential strains.Ĭarole Jackson, 45, of Murrieta, Calif., has given birth to five children - two of her own and three as a surrogate mother - and says the story line on "Desperate Housewives" might make for good television but that it couldn't be further from her own experience.įor Jackson, helping women who are either infertile or physically unable to carry a fetus to term was one of the most incredible experiences of her life, she says. This type of turmoil doesn't just play out on television - it can happen in real life, too. "I'll make these next nine months a living hell." The show depicts surrogacy as a complex dynamic that can strain a marriage. Gaby kicks her husband out of the house and keeps the surrogate living with her: "I'm the boss of you," she tells her. Soon we find out that Carlos, played by Ricardo Antonio Chavira, is cheating on his wife with the surrogate, played by Gwendoline Yeo.
We see Xiao-Mei, the surrogate, get the royal treatment from Carlos, who lets her sleep in the couple's king-size bed because of her morning sickness, leaving Gaby to sleep in a twin-size bed with her husband. She then leaves her husband and surrogate alone in the house so she can spy on them, only to hear her husband comment on how "amazing" the surrogate's moo shu pork is: "I wish Gaby could cook like this." In the season's finale, Gaby, played by Eva Longoria, scatters baby monitors under all the beds after finding her live-in surrogate's ripped undergarment. — - Jealousy, paranoia and infidelity strike the set of "Desperate Housewives" when Gaby and Carlos Solis decide to turn their live-in cleaning lady into a live-in surrogate to carry their child.
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